Please Leave Your Message After the Beep
by xStarscreamxLoverx
Summary: "Erm. Sunny. That's an answering machine and a phone." Sideswipe said. "I figured we might as well keep things simple, but yet thoroughly amusing." Sunstreaker responded. Sunstreaker and his red twin, Sideswipe, decide to pull a prank with the help of Mikaela. Giant telephones, modified answering machines, and a base full of unsuspecting and unfortunate bots. Oh Primus.


**Random crack. Seriously. Read at your own risk and keep a medic on hand because of cracky random side-splitting funniness!**

**Disclaimer: I no own, you no sue! ****¿****Comprende? Okay, read onward!**

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were utterly bored. They had been confined to the base for a stupid prank they pulled on Prowl. He had offlined and almost crushed Mikaela when he went down.

Optimus had scolded them as usual, telling them it was wrong, and ill planned, and blah blah blah.

So of course he had not permitted them to leave base for the next week. And they were going crazy out of their processors with the boringness.

"Jeez Sides, maybe if you woulda checked for humans BEFORE you activated the prank." Sunny grumbled, slouched down his seat in the rec room, his arms crossed in a pouting matter.

Sides, who was sitting next to his twin in the neighboring chair, threw his arms up in exasperation, turning towards the golden mech.

"My fault! You gave the all go, bolt-for-brains!"

Sunstreaker cursed in Cybertronian under his breath, giving Sideswipe the evil eye.

The red mech's blue optics widened, his lip plating hanging agape. "That was so rude." he muttered, responding to Sunny's ill-talking clicks and whirs.

Sunny snorted, before straightening his posture in the hard chair his aft currently occupied.

"Well I for one am not going to just sit here like a good little mech. You know it's physically and mentally impossible for me to do what I'm told." Sunstreaker said, jumping up and stretching his tall frame.

Sideswipe sighed, his vents cycling. "I'm with ya bro, but what DO you have planned in mind?" he asked, curious as to what was going on in his slightly crazy, narcissistic, egotistical twin's processors. Judging by the sly grin coating his mouth, he knew it was nothing good.

Sunny drifted down the hall, running his digits along the wall as he went. "Well as you know, there's no better way to solve boringness because of a bad prank, than with a prank." He theorized, turning his helm slightly to the side so he could give his brother a lopsided smirk.

Sideswipe facepalmed, trying to figure out why his brother just wanted to get in more trouble. It could cost them weeks, even months of base solitary confinement!...But when it came to pranks, he just couldn't fragging resist. And that was his great downfall. Harsh, huh?

Jogging to catch up to the sauntering gold mech, he bumped him lightly in the shoulder. "What's the plan?"

Sunny grinned, "You'll see." the smile slipped replaced with a frown. "And watch my paint. I just had it waxed."

All Sides could do was sigh.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Sideswipe blinked stupidly at his brother, who was grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"Erm. Sunny. That's an answering machine and a phone." Sideswipe said, confused as to why technologically advanced robots needed such outdated devices. To them anyway.

Sunny remained passive, the small machines looking fragile in his servos.

"Well my dear brother, I figured we might as well keep things simple, but yet thoroughly amusing." Sunstreaker responded, optics darting around the empty hallway inside the base.

"For one, we can't even push those tiny buttons, and for two, what the frag are you gonna do with an answering machine AND a land line. It's not even a cellular device." Sides pointed out, casting the things a skeptical glance.

Sunny shrugged, "Duh, which is why I recruited Mikaela; one of the only fleshies I can tolerate, to help us."

As soon as he uttered those words, the tiny dark haired girl came skipping up, a twinkle of mirth in her eyes and an excited smile on her face.

"Hi guys! Whatcha need me to do?" she asked eagerly, overly giddy to be there pranking with the two best pranksters she had ever seen.

Sides bent down to be closer to her, tapping her lightly on the head with his pointer digit in a friendly greeting. "Hiya Mikky, I'm guessing Sunny here just needs you to push the buttons on the phone and-"

"Here little femme, now, you'll enter the numbers I tell you to, but first we have to..set up." Sunny explained, not being able to contain the gleeful expression on his face.

"Okay." Mikaela replied cooperatively, "But what is this whole prank?"

Sunny answers without turning around, leisurely strolling back down the hallway, the femme in his twin's hand while Sides trailed behind him.

"I had help from Wheeljack. I had him modify the answering machine so that when it goes to the beep, it sounds like an answering machine greeting, but WE get to actually talk into it, making up whatever we want it to repeat." Sunny explained over his shoulder.

"Furthermore, he lent me a voice modifier so we can disguise our tones to whatever we want. And I just told him it was a project Prime had us do and we needed these as essential studying devices of knowledge." He finished, finally stopping outside of Prowl's office..hidden behind the stacked boxes and such, out of sight, but close to an electrical plug.

Sides blinked, Mikaela's mouth hung open, still absorbing all the information Sunny had pouring out of his mouth.

"So..." Sides trailed, still confused.

Sunny chuckled, kneeling down and beckoning Sides to hand him the girl.

"Now Mikaela, as you know, all the important older bots were forced into getting telephones in their offices in case of an emergency with the humans." Sunny told her, placing her gently next to the wired answering machine and phone.

The human girl nodded, gazing up Sunstreaker expectantly.

"Well I need you to dial Prowl's number for me, 717-295-0386." He went on, watching wolfishly as he did as she asked.

After she hit send, they heard a faint ringing inside the cop bot's office.

Sunny peeped out from their hiding spot, glad that the boxes were there. He always complained about them being in the way. He clicked open the door to the office door quietly so they could hear clearly as to what he would say.

Prowl looked confusingly at the line before picking up, and that's when Sunny signaled for Mikaela to hang up.

"Hello?" Prowl said into his large phone. They had them made customized so that the bots could actually use them without crushing them in their hands.

When he heard nothing on the other line, his digits tapped in the number to redial.

Sunny turned towards his accomplices. "Show time." the answering machine was especially programmed to go straight to voicemail, and when it 'beeped!' into the caller's audio, or ear, that's was the prankster's cue.

Grasping the voice vocalizer Sunny flicked it on, and when the answering _beep!_ met his audios he punched in a few buttons in the device and started to speak into it.

Sunny's voice was deadpan, flat and robotic. "I'm sorry, but the number you have reached, 717. 385. 9062 does not work and has been changed. The new number is, 717. 385. 9062. Please make note of it."

Mikaela giggled into her hand as she realized the numbers were the same.

Sides grinned, hoping Prowl fell for it.

And he did.

Sunny watched as Prowl frowned, dialing, once again, the same exact number.

And once again, Sunny repeated his message into the voice vocalizer, and into the answering machine.

"I'm sorry, but the number you have reached, 717. 385. 9062 does not work and has been changed. The new number is 717. 385. 9062. Please make note of it."

"But that's what number I dialed, what the slag?" Prowl muttered, glaring hard at the stupid human device before dialing AGAIN.

At this point Mikalea was in hysterics on the ground as Sides shook, his engine rumbling softly with his laughter. He didn't realize Prowl could actually be that gullible.

Sunny snorted softly, signaling Mikky to move up closer to him so she could see with the two communication devices.

Sides moved up as well, peering over Sunny's shoulder as Prowl waited for the number to ring.

"I'm sorry, but the number you-" Prowl hung up.

Dialed again.

Frag. Sunny thought. He really was persistent.

"I'm sorry, but-"

Hung up.

Dialed.

"I'm sorry,-"

"I'm sorry,-"

"I'm-"

"I'm sorry but-"

Prowl did this for the next 20 minutes, and each time spewed a new wave of laughter from Mikaela and Sides, and Sunny could barely keep up with Prowl's determined phone calling trying not to laugh.

"When, when is he going to get that...that..that He's dialing the same number over and over again!" Gasped Mikky, curled up next to the seated red mech, who was currently swiping Energon tears from his optics.

"And I thought he was the one with the advanced logics system!" Sideswipe sputtered, hiccuping. Which Sunny stared at his brother when he did that, stopping mid laugh when he caught it.

"What?"

Sunny raises an optic ridge, "Robotic organisms do not 'hiccup'."

Sides shrugged, crossing his arms and looking down, "So sue me."

Sunny turned his attention back on Prowl, whose head was sparking and frizzing, but he still stayed upright. And called the number ONE more time. Just to be sure that it was the right number, just in case.

"I'm sorry but number you have reached, 717. 385. 9062 does not work and has been changed. The new number is, 717. 385. 9062. Please make note of it."

Prowl roared with fury, taking that moment to hurl the phone out the open door, the pranksters ducking back before he saw them.

Unfortunately, instead of hitting the wall and smashing in pieces, Optimus chose that time to walk past his second in command's office. And the phone whacked him right in the side of his helm, making him stagger back and hold his head, an expression of bewildered astonishment on his face.

This just sent poor Mikaela into shrieking fits of laughter, her hand covering up laughs that would bust them all.

Sides and Sunny weren't much better, the red twin was leaned against his sibling, shaking so hard he made Sunny vibrate. But neither noticed.

"Oh Primus. I think...I think I'm going to lubricate!" Sides hissed between giggles, causing Sunny to push him away with horrified alarm.

They hadn't been detected behind the humongous stack of random boxes, so they were free to shake and roll on the floor, the image of the phone smacking right into their leader seared into their processors and brain.

"In Primus' name Prowl, what was that!" Prime exclaimed, peeking into the cop bot's office to find him slumped over his desk, offlined.

Prime sighed before comming Ratchet. "We need a medic down here ASAP, it seems Prowl has had one of his episodes."

He paused before adding, "And bring a helmet."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Oh man! We got to get one more Bot!" Mikaela breathed as she juggled the "high-tech" answering machine and phone.

Sunny rubbed his abdomen, it hurt from the all hysteric laughing him and his two partners had shared after they had slipped away before Ratchet and any other bot showed up.

Sides' optics lit up, bouncing on the balls of his pedes. "Who better to get than Ratchet? Poor Optimus got caught in the cross fire, so he's out, and Ratchet's always fun to prank."

Sunny nodded, creeping down to the med bay, and glancing in to make sure he wasn't back from the little episode Prowl had caused by them.

Giving Sides and 'Kaela the A-ok, Sunny slipped into the bay, creeping along until he reached the dark closet where the CMO kept his supplies...and Sunny's ten cans of "Sunset gold."

Shortly after he situated himself in the dim lit space; thanking Primus that there was a seemingly random plug inside, Sides and Mikaela followed suit.

Plugging in their machine, they waited, 'Kaela in Sideswipe's palm, and Sunny cracking the door open lightly, like they did with Prowl's door so they could see and here.

Ten minutes later Ratchet walked in, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration with his fellow team mates.

"Fragging Prowl, I bet the twins had something to do with it." he muttered, seating himself at his medical table to tinker with various things.

Sunstreaker leaned down, close to the little femme human.

"717. 555. 0449." he murmured, glancing back up to make sure the Medic was still busy.

Mikaela dialed the number with shaking fingers, already anticipating the fits of giggles she was about to endure. God, she loved these two.

Sideswipe grabbed the voice device, punched a few buttons and waiting 'til Ratchet picked up.

"Hello?" the rescue bot bit out gruffly, leaning down to inspect something on his desk.

Mikaela quickly disconnected, looking at Sides to see what message HE was going to come up with.

Just like with Prowl, Ratchet dialed back neither mech knowing if it was out of curiosity or pure thoughtlessness.

Sides cleared his vocal processor, then began to speak.

"Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway's not here right now, but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at this number, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as he can! And remember, confession doesn't count unless you confess all your sins, needs, and/or wants in full, vivid, graphic detail!" Sideswipe said, the voice he picked was very cheery and feminine.

Both the other companions gaped in awe at the ruby bot, who was grinning from one side of his helm to the other.

"Who's ready to hear Ratchy's deepest darkest secrets! I'm recording audio!" Sides hooted softly, high fiving his brother and letting Mikky tap his finger with her open palm.

Rather paused hesitantly, before mumbling to himself. "Hmm..I don't know any confession hotline...and I won't hear back from it either probably..might as well vent about ONE of my 'hot' confessions..."

'Kaela wanted to squeal in exicitment.

"Here goes nothing." The CMO rumbled absently into the phone.

"I'm an old mech. I'm a medic. I throw way too many wrenches at him...but I find him so...sexy as you humans say." He started, pacing back and forth in the bay.

The dark haired girl clapped a both hands over her mouth to stop the gasp.

Sides clutched onto his brother, who was currently frozen in place.

"He isn't-"

"No!" Mikky gasped

"Oh Primus I think he's talking about-"

"Sunstreaker is sly, egotistic, annoying, and many other things, but one thing for sure is...I want to drag that golden gem to a nearby berth and frag him six ways from Sunday." Ratchet admitted into the phone, stopping as his optics shuttered blissfully.

"I'm gonna pee! I'm gonna pee!" Mikaela squeaked to Sides between heaving gasps, squeezing her thighs together as she giggled endlessly.

Sideswipe was clutching the areas above his spark, his optics trained on his horrified brother. Sunny was stock still, his lip plating hanging wide open and his optics as round as basketballs.

"Holy Primus all mighty sling me up and call me Sally." Sides breathed. When he wanted an embarrassing confession, he never thought it would be about his TWIN. And how their medic obviously wanted him…

Ratchet continued, "If you humans could see. The way those long gold legs and lean hips would saunter into my bay, demanding I repaint him after some shenanigan with his twin. He would pursue those shiny lips and use his haughty tone with me, casually stretching on the medical berth like the interfacing god I know he is. Those cables and cords rippling gloriously as he would stretch, eyeing me expectantly, almost hotly, with one optic ridge raised. Primus." He shuddered, his cooling fans kicking on.

Sides felt his processors going blank with shock, his face slack and almost zombie like. "Oh my...erm...Sunny, you alive?"

Sunstreaker didn't answer, his face ash white (if that was possible for a Cybertronian), and his optics dark and empty.

"I feel..so..." he trailed, his own cooling fans coming on.

Mikaela was seeing stars, her oxygen levels HAD to be low, and she was barely breathing between laughs. "Ooh..my stomach, I'm gonna..pass out ..."

"He never realized how much I wanted to slam him into that berth, rip open his interfacing panel and spike him 'till he couldn't walk. I want him to writhe and moan under me..." Ratchet sighed, "But unfortunately I most agree that he wouldn't take that lightly. Ever. So I leave the confession that I, CMO of my squad, would like to show that frontliner a little doctor loving." he purred, before hanging up and returning to his desk.

"Ahh, glad that's off my chest plates." Ratchet sighed.

Sides glanced at the quiet little female, realizing that she had rendered herself unconscious from laughing.

Sideswipe scrubbed a servo over his wet face. He had resulted to laughing and sobbing at the same time, as Energon tears had streamed down his face like a waterfall. "I..have..no words...for..for..Ratchet wants ya body Sunshine!"

Sunny looked at his brother alarmingly, swaying on his pedes dangerously. "You..recorded that?" he whispers hoarsely, balancing himself by placing his hand on the nearest wall.

Sides grinned, cackling. "Blackmail! Two birds with one stone!"

Sunny stared for a full minute or two, before surprising even his own twin.

His optics offlined, he lost balanced and crashed backwards, lying limp. The mighty Sunstreaker had fainted.

"Prowl moment!" Sideswipe howled, leaning back and relaxing as he played Ratchet's message over, over, and over.

And over.

And over.

And over.

Message: To this day Sunstreaker can't look Ratchet in the optics and shies away passing in the halls. He decided to paint himself from now on. Mikael giggles every time she sees the golden mech or Ratchet, and at this point everyone thinks she has gone insane, further strengthening that theory when she would crack up when Ratchet would ask to check her mental health.

Sideswipe gets his way with his twin whenever he wants, only having to play the beginning of the medic's steamy confession for Sunny to stagger, clutch his spark and grudgingly comply with his brother, swearing at him in Cybertronian the whole way.

I guess Sunstreaker should've just left the answering machines in the past.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Sooooooooooooooooo, what did you think? Was it as random as I said? Tell! There is a review button waiting to be pushed, so push it! The evil answering machine demands you to do so! DOOOOOOOOOOOO ITTTTTTTTTTTTT!**


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